Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
