I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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