Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
