dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She told me I should be a condom model.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
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