That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
