you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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