dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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