So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
