Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
