I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
