Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
