We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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