Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
