I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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