He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
