Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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