Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Randomize