OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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