You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize