Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You need Xanax blowdarts
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Randomize
