I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
zippers are such a cool invention
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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