my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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