I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
