2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
