Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
