3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
