I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Randomize