my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
