When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
