I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
