i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
