The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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