I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
