i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
