kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
