I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
