Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
