I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
We were destined to go to rehab together
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
