Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
