Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
