you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
