i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
