The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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