I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
