Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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