I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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