if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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