we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Randomize
