Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
