i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
