I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
