lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
