I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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