I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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