"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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