She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
