Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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