Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
