The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
