I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
one might say we're banned from that church
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize