i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
