thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
