everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
