and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
