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Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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