In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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