my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We talked him into tasing himself.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
