just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
