I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
They are going to name an STD after you.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
