did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
