now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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