before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize