Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
