I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize